Saturday, 20 July 2013

When it All Goes Down The Only Way is Up*

Everyone one wants to be loved; ever since Adam and Eve walked this earth, it's always been about love. I mean after all, that's why we're all here anyway, right?
Love is the binding force that brings together beautiful and life-lasting relationships all over the world; it's that feeling you get on a hot summers day when you're out spending time with the most important people in your life and suddenly you're smiling from the inside...cause you know you're loved. It's a wonderful feeling, one that most definitely lacks any form of comparison, and one that everyone, young or old, good or bad, deserves to feel at some point in their lives.
Love defines us and gives us a reason to not just wanna live, but be alive. And if you haven't felt it yet, then trust me, you're gonna be amazed by the things it can do to you..and don't worry, your time will come. Everyone's got a chance, and even though to some this might seem impossible at the time, it isn't. Sooner or later, someone is bound to love you, it's all just a matter of time, patience, and good luck.

Being such a widespread emotion and powerful part of our lives, many of us fail to realize that love is often conditional. Although I said earlier that everyone will feel it at some point in their lives, love can often be conditional. It may not be for you, but it's a two way street and often that street is extremely long.

If ever you expected anything from love, you'd expect that there are only two people who would love you no matter what: your mum and your dad. Well, guess what? Those expectations are a lie; it is false to think that they would be people who were naturally bound to care for you, because more often than not, they don't. They might be responsible for your existence, but they certainly are not responsible for loving you. Most of you hope to share good relations with their parents, at least that's what I'd always wished for. Sometimes however, you have to realise that this isn't always possible and that sometimes distance might be the key to your own happiness.

Since many years now I have struggled and fought a seemingly never-ending battle to show them the best possible me. Call it sacrifices, call it natural responses, or call it life-altering decisions, many of us do the best they can to make their parents proud.
What happens though if this is never enough, and all the pain and effort you went through and all the years you worked hard to make worthwhile just so they could appreciate you in some kind of way all goes in vain? Do you give up on love? Or on them? Do you lose hope, become self-conscious and feel insecure because you failed? The answer is no. A big, fat NO! Although it's hard to believe in the existence of love sometimes, if you only wait long enough, there will be something or someone that will change your life and make things better. And I know this sounds a lot like it's coming from a fairytale book story and many of you might be wondering if I've gone insane, but sometimes it all works out in the end. The only thing you need to do is believe it will.

Things couldn't have been going worse, I couldn't have felt any lonelier and unloved than for the past couple of years. It's at those times that I started to doubt the existence of any kind of understanding and care between human beings, let alone love. It was like an alien feeling, that people loved to advertise and were proud of if they had it. I felt abandoned, and betrayed, by people that had been part of my life for years together, including the people I have lived with my entire life.
I soon began to realise that love, despite its existence, was not guaranteed, and it most definitely was not guaranteed to stay. No one can tell when it comes or when it goes, and although it gives you everything you've ever asked for when you have it, it also leaves you with nothing but the pieces of your broken heart that you try so hard to put back together once it's gone.

Just when I thought it was all going down and I was ready to give it all up, there appeared a ray of hope from the most unexpected of all sources. Someone I'd have never imagined even speaking to, someone so wonderful I'd have regretted it all my life if I hadn't known him. It was like he was from a different world; a world where people understood how I felt and knew exactly what to say to make it all okay. It didn't even require much effort for him to remind me of all the beautiful things I was missing in life and all the things I was entitled to feel. Again, this sounds like a fairy tale where a guy comes and sweeps you off your feet and makes it all better, but that's besides the point. The point is that there's always someone or something out there that can make you feel better; you might not have encountered them yet, but the world is after all small, and sooner or later you are bound to see brighter days.
In a way, he's been like my guardian angel, sent to help me and remind me that even when days get tough, there's something worth waiting for that will show you how things used to be, and how things should be. He taught me what it's like to feel free, to have fun again, and most importantly to be myself. When you ask me what I see when I look at him, I see hope. In his eyes I see security and in his heart I see never-ending love and purity. He is helping me regain the confidence I thought I lost a long time ago, and makes me believe in myself more and more everyday simply by being there and believing in me.

In the past couple of years, I experienced a lot of losses. I lost myself in the loneliness and hopelessness of life.
Today, I feel like all these losses were meant to be part of my life only so something much better could take place, so someone like him could come in and change my life. He might not know it, but I do know that he has changed my life. Giving a person love, hope, and security are some of the most difficult things in life, and to gain all three of them at once from the same person definitely accounts for something. I consider myself lucky to be reminded of who I used to be and who I am entitled to be every single day and I wish that for anyone out there in the same situation, someone like him would make things better.

No matter how hard life is, the proverb " Every cloud has a silver lining" does not go unreasoned..cause there is and always will be a "silver lining". As I said before, all you need is patience, time, and good luck, and I wish you all good luck in being reminded of the life you deserve to live, just like I am reminded every day.

*For someone I truly love, for being you, and for allowing me to be me. I love you.*