When it All Goes Down The Only Way is Up*

Everyone one wants to be loved; ever since Adam and Eve walked this earth, it's always been about love. I mean after all, that's why we're all here anyway, right?
Love is the binding force that brings together beautiful and life-lasting relationships all over the world; it's that feeling you get on a hot summers day when you're out spending time with the most important people in your life and suddenly you're smiling from the inside...cause you know you're loved. It's a wonderful feeling, one that most definitely lacks any form of comparison, and one that everyone, young or old, good or bad, deserves to feel at some point in their lives.
Love defines us and gives us a reason to not just wanna live, but be alive. And if you haven't felt it yet, then trust me, you're gonna be amazed by the things it can do to you..and don't worry, your time will come. Everyone's got a chance, and even though to some this might seem impossible at the time, it isn't. Sooner or later, someone is bound to love you, it's all just a matter of time, patience, and good luck.

Being such a widespread emotion and powerful part of our lives, many of us fail to realize that love is often conditional. Although I said earlier that everyone will feel it at some point in their lives, love can often be conditional. It may not be for you, but it's a two way street and often that street is extremely long.

If ever you expected anything from love, you'd expect that there are only two people who would love you no matter what: your mum and your dad. Well, guess what? Those expectations are a lie; it is false to think that they would be people who were naturally bound to care for you, because more often than not, they don't. They might be responsible for your existence, but they certainly are not responsible for loving you. Most of you hope to share good relations with their parents, at least that's what I'd always wished for. Sometimes however, you have to realise that this isn't always possible and that sometimes distance might be the key to your own happiness.

Since many years now I have struggled and fought a seemingly never-ending battle to show them the best possible me. Call it sacrifices, call it natural responses, or call it life-altering decisions, many of us do the best they can to make their parents proud.
What happens though if this is never enough, and all the pain and effort you went through and all the years you worked hard to make worthwhile just so they could appreciate you in some kind of way all goes in vain? Do you give up on love? Or on them? Do you lose hope, become self-conscious and feel insecure because you failed? The answer is no. A big, fat NO! Although it's hard to believe in the existence of love sometimes, if you only wait long enough, there will be something or someone that will change your life and make things better. And I know this sounds a lot like it's coming from a fairytale book story and many of you might be wondering if I've gone insane, but sometimes it all works out in the end. The only thing you need to do is believe it will.

Things couldn't have been going worse, I couldn't have felt any lonelier and unloved than for the past couple of years. It's at those times that I started to doubt the existence of any kind of understanding and care between human beings, let alone love. It was like an alien feeling, that people loved to advertise and were proud of if they had it. I felt abandoned, and betrayed, by people that had been part of my life for years together, including the people I have lived with my entire life.
I soon began to realise that love, despite its existence, was not guaranteed, and it most definitely was not guaranteed to stay. No one can tell when it comes or when it goes, and although it gives you everything you've ever asked for when you have it, it also leaves you with nothing but the pieces of your broken heart that you try so hard to put back together once it's gone.

Just when I thought it was all going down and I was ready to give it all up, there appeared a ray of hope from the most unexpected of all sources. Someone I'd have never imagined even speaking to, someone so wonderful I'd have regretted it all my life if I hadn't known him. It was like he was from a different world; a world where people understood how I felt and knew exactly what to say to make it all okay. It didn't even require much effort for him to remind me of all the beautiful things I was missing in life and all the things I was entitled to feel. Again, this sounds like a fairy tale where a guy comes and sweeps you off your feet and makes it all better, but that's besides the point. The point is that there's always someone or something out there that can make you feel better; you might not have encountered them yet, but the world is after all small, and sooner or later you are bound to see brighter days.
In a way, he's been like my guardian angel, sent to help me and remind me that even when days get tough, there's something worth waiting for that will show you how things used to be, and how things should be. He taught me what it's like to feel free, to have fun again, and most importantly to be myself. When you ask me what I see when I look at him, I see hope. In his eyes I see security and in his heart I see never-ending love and purity. He is helping me regain the confidence I thought I lost a long time ago, and makes me believe in myself more and more everyday simply by being there and believing in me.

In the past couple of years, I experienced a lot of losses. I lost myself in the loneliness and hopelessness of life.
Today, I feel like all these losses were meant to be part of my life only so something much better could take place, so someone like him could come in and change my life. He might not know it, but I do know that he has changed my life. Giving a person love, hope, and security are some of the most difficult things in life, and to gain all three of them at once from the same person definitely accounts for something. I consider myself lucky to be reminded of who I used to be and who I am entitled to be every single day and I wish that for anyone out there in the same situation, someone like him would make things better.

No matter how hard life is, the proverb " Every cloud has a silver lining" does not go unreasoned..cause there is and always will be a "silver lining". As I said before, all you need is patience, time, and good luck, and I wish you all good luck in being reminded of the life you deserve to live, just like I am reminded every day.

*For someone I truly love, for being you, and for allowing me to be me. I love you.*


A
xx

Life Without Music

Have you ever thought about what life would be like if music didn't exist?

What would it be like, if there wasn't a tune or a melody, to go along with all life's many events?

What would it be like if there weren't any lyrics, meaningful words that so often put forth feelings that so many of us are unable to express?

Have you ever really thought about the value that lies in a song? 

Have you ever considered a song as more than merely a song?

Think about it...

Music plays perhaps one of the most important parts of our lives, knowingly or unknowingly.

A song, a tune, a melody, has hidden capabilities...something you won't necessarily realize until you sit back and think about it.

How many times have you felt like you just wanted to forget it all and let go, relax, and maybe dance? Did you ever think about what gave you the possibility to fullfill that desire? Music did.

How many times have you felt low, sad, and upset with the world outside, wanting to speak your mind but being unable to because of the circumstances surrounding you, yet wanting to somehow know that you are not alone? What helped you through it? Music did.

It's the melody, or the lyrics of a song, that can help you through all these different phases of your life, both the ups and downs, the happy as well as the sad times. 

Do you remember the song that played just before your mum put you to sleep at night? 

Do you remember the song that played when you had your first date? 

Or the song that played during your high school prom?

Do you remember the song you listened to when you had your first heartbreak?

Do you ever listen to a song and realize how it describes exactly how you feel?

Do you ever listen to a song and know exactly of whom it reminds you? 

You might have not thought about it earlier, but if you sit back, and think about all the many moments in your life, starting from the most insignificant ones to life altering events, you will realize the significant impact music has had on each of those moments.

I believe that you can find music everywhere in life, without even looking for it...

And sometimes, music finds you when you most need it to...

Music stimulates the mind, relaxes the heart, and nurtures the soul. It is the source of expression for many people around the world, and puts together things you could have not done alone.

The ability of a song, written by someone else whom you don't know, and who doesn't know you, to touch you in ways you would have never though possible is incredible. It makes you feel like you are not alone, and that someone somewhere out there feels the same...

"Music allows us to feel nearly or possibly all emotions that we experience in our lives"  (Galindo, 2003) - a statement true in every sense of the word, applicable not only to listening, but even to composing and playing music.

The joys that music brings to your life are endless. Never underestimate it's value... 

Appreciate it, absorb it, and allow it to add colour to your life...

Music matters, and music will allow you to make your life matter...

So open your heart and mind to music, and you will soon find the music in your life...

Let music find you, and give it a chance to heal you, to please you, and to comfort you...

There is nothing music can't make better, even if only for a brief moment...

And sometimes a brief moment of happiness and comfort is all you need to keep you moving on...

A

xx

Do You Know What You Desire?

Time passes you by, quick, silent, and often unnoticed...

And as you're faced with so many questions, so many worries, and so many thoughts about the future,

You ask yourself,

What do you really want in the future? Or from the future?

Do you want to be happy, or rich?

Do you want a secure job, or a joyous family?

Do you know what you want to become? Or who you want to become?

If yes,
Do you know how to achieve what you desire?

Life is full of questions, full of problems to be solved in order to reach the " next level", in order to succeed.
It is a continuous process of hard work, a battle with all its many obstacles...

But one thing you must ask,
Is it worth it?
Does it matter if you get good grades and a profitable job?

Does it matter if you spend hours worrying about the future?
Or are you wasting your time and missing the little things in the present that might matter so much in the future?
Will you wake up one day regretting time spent on things that didn't matter in the end?
Will you miss dreaming while you're busy thinking about fulfilling your dream?
Will you deny your heart what it desires because of what your mind wants?
Or will you realise when to get up, and walk away...
And just follow what you want to do, what you love doing, and what your heart would want you to do?

Life is short, don't waste it doing the things you don't want to do,
Caring about people not worth caring about,
And worrying about what could have been.

Maybe's are always gonna exist,
Possibilities too,
But in the end it's your feelings that matter.

Nothing is more important than what you feel and what your heart desires.

A
xx

When Feelings Take Over

Understanding feelings is by far one of the hardest and most complicated issues you deal with in your life...They come unexpectedly, dwell around for time unknown, and have the power to change things you never thought could change...You often fail to realise the tremendous impact feelings can have on your entire character and eventually life...but it's when you open up your eyes and mind and look deeper into your soul and heart, that you realise just how significant most feelings can be...how important...how strong....and most of all, how influential...

It's amazing how feelings and emotions can change your mindset either instantaneously or gradually with time...If you sit back and think how many instances in your life have been swayed by your feelings, you'll be astonished to realise that most of your decisions will have been either partially or completely influenced by your feelings at that moment of time. I personally find this rather scary...How can something that originates out of nowhere, simply through certain hormonal changes combined with changes in your near environment, have such a huge impact on you and your entire life? It's like you're being controlled by an external force, something you can't hamper with, something that you are in a way forced to accept and deal with, and something that you can't stop from affecting your life no matter how hard you try...

Many a times you feel overwhelmed by your emotions...you feel like they either do you complete good, or complete wrong...Wouldn't everyone of you love to feel happy, overjoyed, secure, and loved? It is those feelings that get you through some of the darkest hours of your life....Cherish them...you never know how long they will last...

On the contrary, feelings such as loneliness, anger, guilt, and loss of confidence are some of those emotions probably none of you wish to come across...yet, you do...and you do so rather often, especially then when you least require them...

You now have two options: either to let them bring you down, or to fight them...The first is the easier and less difficult option, whereas the latter involves both time and enormous patience...but in the end, you should know that it's all worth it...

Every single day you live you need to fight against these negative feelings...and believe me when I say, it ain't easy...but then again, who ever said it would be easy? No one...But if you let them overwhelm you, its you who's going to lose...and you lose not only your self-confidence and self-respect, but most importantly you risk losing yourself...And once you do lose yourself, it's hard seeing the light that lines every dark cloud...it's hard then to believe in something that's been damaged a long time ago...it's hard finding yourself again and becoming who you were, who you were meant to be...Don't let them bring you down...You are stronger than that...

Feelings, feelings, feelings...so unpredictable, so uncertain, and so influential....You can't erase them, and you can't always control them...but never let them control you...Fight, with all your heart, and in time, you will win even this battle...

Believe that in the end it's all worth it and your belief will gradually transform into reality...

And always bear in mind..."Every experience that doesn't kill you makes you stronger"... Try to use this "experience" as a stepping stone towards becoming a stronger human being, both physically and mentally...

A

xx

Sometimes

I sometimes wonder how there are things in life that can affect you so much, even though you know that they're not meant to any more...you tell yourself a million times, it ain't worth getting affected by them, but you still end up caring and eventually suffering...

I sometimes wonder why, even after so many years, the memories of certain events are embedded in your mind and heart as vivid as if they just happened yesterday... every single detail so strong, so precise, and so unforgettable...and every time you relive them, you suffer again...

I sometimes wonder why we care about the people that in return would not waste even a single moment of their life caring about us...why is it so hard to not care? Why is it so hard to let go?...

Sometimes, life surprises me....

Sometimes, I surprise life....

But through all the sometimes, I still live...

Not sometimes, but all the times...

A
xx

I Will Always Love You...

Death is one of the many mysteries of life I have been unable to understand till date...It comes unexpectedly, like a sudden slap in your face, and when it does, it manages to leave a permanent mark on your heart...a mark that will not be erased by the passage of time...a mark that will remind you each day of your life what you have lost...

This year the world lost one of its most precious possessions...and I lost one of my dearest friends...

She was one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my entire life, and I believe one of the most beautiful people I ever will meet...
It wasn't merely her physical appearance, her contagious smile, or her deep brown eyes that made her so beautiful...it was her heart, and the love she showed to each and every creature on earth, be it her fellow human beings, plants, animals, or even the tiniest insects most people would be disgusted at, that made her so astonishingly beautiful...She loved them all equally...

When I met her for the first time, I was immediately struck by the amount of joy and positivity surrounding her...she was always smiling, always laughing, seeming so carefree, just so full of life...It didn't take me long to grow fond of her and soon become extremely attached to her...
Her tremendous knowledge amazed me, and it sometimes made me wonder whether I was really just wasting my life away...I learnt a lot from her...not just in terms of knowledge, but more importantly about life...

Her caring nature towards every living creature was truly amazing...I remember the first day we met, I was freaked out about a grasshopper and spider occupying the bathroom, and hence did not want to use it...She immediately calmed me down, telling me it's nothing to worry about and that they, like us, were just small creatures on earth, probably more afraid of me than I was of them...She said she would "get rid" of them, which in my terminology so far had meant, "kill " them...However, what I saw then was something I will never forget my entire life...She caught both the spider and grasshopper in her bare hands, walked through the room, out to the front door, and placed them in a nearby bush...All I could do then was stand by and watch...                  
I didn't know it then, but as I was watching, she probably taught me one of the most important lessons of life: "Love and treat all creatures equally". I now think twice, even thrice, before attempting to kill an insect, and most of the times follow her example of simply getting "rid" of them in her way...I never would have thought about it then, but she did to a certain extent help me get over my phobia of insects, especially spiders, just by that one simple, caring act...

She was a girl loved by many, but also at times envied by many...I believe this was due to her ability to stand up for her beliefs, no matter what other people said. She would always defend her opinion when she was in the right...At the same time she would, however, let other people voice their opinions, hear them out, and act accordingly...This is one of the most amazing qualities she possessed..her ability to listen and not to judge you based on other's beliefs...Throughout our friendship, I never once feared that she would judge me without hearing me out first...She would always be there to listen to my side of the story, and most of the times, we thought alike...She taught me how to stand up for myself, and for the right...and to believe in myself even when no one else did...something I will forever be grateful to her for...

She was a truly gifted girl, her talents varied from music to art and literature...she excelled them all..I could look at her drawings for hours a day, and just admire the idea and creativity stemming from them...ideas I would have never thought of before...It was like she could see things that others found impossible to see at first glance...Her imagination was incredible, and at the same time inspiring and worth thinking about...
Reading was one of her big passions...she read and read, endlessly, for hours at once...and she just wouldn't stop..I was amazed seeing her read through so many books in such limited time, even when we had loads of other work...but she'd always find the time and peace to follow what she loved...                                           In today's world, where time passes by so quick, like clouds skimming through a clear blue sky, I feel she did the right thing by taking time out for the things she loved...This is something many of us fail to do...We do not realise that our time on earth is limited, and that tomorrow is promised to no one...Before we realise it, our time might be over, and we'll be left with so many things undone, so many words unspoken, and so many dreams unfulfilled...

I know now as I always knew then that she could have achieved anything she set her mind and heart to...cause she had it all...the talent, the courage, the ability, and most importantly a beautiful heart to guide her through it all...She would never give up, even when placed in the most adverse condition I could still see her showing so much positivity, so much courage, it was just unbelievable for me at times...She'd always be there to lift you up when you were feeling down, and make sure to tell you that everything was going to be alright, no matter how hard to believe it was at that particular time...And most of the times, this is what got me through a lot of my gloomy days...

I will always remember her for being one of the most amazing people with one of the most amazing and truthful hearts...In today's world, where everyone is not what you think they are, disguising their true faces through lies and stories, I consider myself lucky to have found a person like her...with a heart so true, so pure, and so beautiful...I believe she truly was an angel, sent to us to teach us some of the most valuable lessons about life, yet taken back way too soon...

The last time I met her, she gifted me a red bracelet, a bracelet she herself had too...and she said to me "This one's for you. I have the same one. I want you to have it and every time you look at it, I want you to remember me. It's so you never forget me...!" I still remember the smile on her face when she said those very lines...Although I didn't need a bracelet to remind me of her, never did I know then how meaningful those lines would become, how much they would affect me now, and how much that small red bracelet would mean to me for the rest of my life...

Today, I wish I had been given the chance to stand by her and tell her that everything was going to be alright when she was going through some of the most painful days of her life... I wish I could have been there for her, like she had always been there for me...I wish I had just been given the chance to see her beautiful smile, I wish I had been given the chance to tell her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me...I wish I had been given the chance to bid her good bye before she left....but life had other plans, and I never did get those chances...

I love you so much T and I always will...now and forever...
I know you're still out there, somewhere, watching over all of us...smiling, and lighting up heaven with your beautiful smile...

I miss you each and every second of my life and if I had just one wish I'd bring you back again...

Love you forever,

A
xx

Fading Away

The strength to survive is one of the most gifted qualities possessed by us human beings...and although it is naturally present in each individual human being, only some of us are able to find it and utilize its true power...

In today's world, if you can find the strength to withstand the most adverse conditions, or the strength to overcome the pain of separation or the loss of a loved one, the strength to walk away from the things that bother you the most, the strength to stand up for your rights, the strength to voice your own opinion, the strength to leave people you love behind, knowing they're no good for you, the strength to believe in yourself when everyone else has lost hope in you, the strength to keep on fighting, and most important of all the strength to remain strong even after having been made so weak over the passage of time....only then, can you consider yourself rich and truly successful.

Having found this strength, you possess something many human beings struggle their entire life to find...

You possess the key towards leading the life you are entitled to...

Cause from strength arises more than just success...

Strength gives you the ability to love, to hope, to believe, to move on, and most importantly, to survive...

The search for this strength is one of the most difficult ones you may encounter in your life...

It is uncertain whether you find it or not...

Some may give up...

Some may continue till they find it...

Yet others might never find it at all...

I watch my strength slowly fading away...like a cloud passing by on a cool summer day...gone in a flash...

Knowing I am unable to do anything to keep it...

It fades a little more with every passing day....every passing hour....and every passing second...

Yet I hope that it won't be too late to rescue at least a tiny part of what had once been mine....

I still believe in strength, though it might be almost gone... 

And I hope that that belief will help me bring back what I, just like every other human being, is entitled to possess and use to its fullest....

A

xx

Sometimes A Song Can Say It All...

The dawn is breaking,

A light shining through.

You're barely waking,

And I'm tangled up in you, yeah...

I'm open, you're closed,

Where I follow, you'll go...

I worry I won't see your face,

Light up again...

Even the best fall down sometime,

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.

Out of the doubt that fills my mind,

I somehow find you and I collide...

I'm quiet you know,

You make a first impression...

I've found I'm scared to know,

I'm always on your mind...

Even the best fall down sometimes,

Even the stars refuse to shine...

Out of the back you fall in time,

I somehow find you and I collide...

Don't stop here...

I lost my place...

I'm close behind...

Even the best fall down sometimes,

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme...

Out of the doubt that fills your mind,

You finally find you and I collide...

You finally find you and I collide...

You finally find you and I collide...                                 

Collide- by Howie Day

A

xx

No Good

Have you ever had that feeling of being completely lost?

The feeling of complete and utter loneliness even with a million people around you?

The feeling of disappointment in whatever you do?

The feeling when you know you're never gonna be good enough, no matter how hard you try?

The feeling of getting hurt no matter which path you chose?

Or hurting someone along this path? Someone you love too much to afford losing?

Searching for a way to overcome all those feelings? A way to escape it all?

To find the right answers to the many questions in your mind?

A light to guide you towards the right path?

Well, that search is infinite...


Life is a maze, a riddle, a mystery to be solved by each one of us in our own way...The right answer does not exist, there is no "answer" to life...
There is no right or wrong...it's all in your belief...What you believe to be right, might not be right for others and vice versa...
But does that mean you don't follow what you believe is right because others might believe it to be wrong?
Do you base your judgements on the feelings or beliefs of others? Do you compromise your own happiness for the sake of what others believe to be right?

You don't...
It's all in your hands...you are responsible for your own happiness...
Life is given to each individual walking this earth...
Life is in fact the only sole possession you have until death...it's yours and always will be...
Do not base your decisions on others beliefs...
It's your life and you are entitled to live it the way you believe is right for you...
Follow your heart...
Respect other people's beliefs and feelings, but don't make them the basis of your own decisions...

People come and go, only a few stay forever...
And those "few" are hard to find...
The world is a selfish place,
Everyday is a battle...
A battle with life,
A battle with yourself,
And with others...
But most importantly a battle to create your own life...
You gotta struggle to survive...
You gotta accept the fact that you are on your own..
Always were...
And always will be...
In the end, it's you who makes the difference to your life...

"Life is like a battlefield,
You're just one of the many soldiers...
Everyday is a war,
And you gotta fight this war, there's no escape.
You will hurt people on the way,
And people will hurt you...
But that doesn't mean you stop fighting.
You have to continue
Day in and day out.
And in the end, when you look back at your life,
You won't merely be a "survivor,
but a "fighter"...
A fighter for what you believe is right,
Regardless of what other people think or feel.
Cause in the end, that's all that matters,
Your own happiness..."                                                                                                                            -Courtesy to one of my best friends, a truly amazing human being.
Thank you

A
xx